In denial

Okay Okay OKAY!! I have been making excuses for these "hot flashes". 3 weeks ago I had surgery to remove my ovaries. In May I went in to have the same thing but that doctor opened me in the wrong place and didn't find them. ANYWAYS, I experienced hot flashes at night just in my abdominal area and they went away about a month later. I have been doing the same with this one, so I thought. They are much worse and happen during the day, like right now. I was hoping I wouldn't experience the hot flashes right away, that I would be one of the lucky ones and sail through forced menopause smoothly. Of course not!! I have to experience everything the hard way. I went for my post op exam yesterday and he even asked if I was having hot flashes and I said no! I guess I will bite the bullet and do hormone therapy. I want the natural bio identical.

End of the year woes

This year has been horrible. I started off the year with good intentions. Hubs and I bought some exercise equipment, a elliptical, treadmill, and a stationary bike. I don't care much for the damn bike and I don't use it, husband likes it more. I was going to head into my 40's partying like a rock star and not kicking and screaming. I needed to lose about 40 pounds and I would be right where I wanted to be. Being 5'0'' and 160 pounds is not to pretty, but it could be worse.

We started exercising and the weight was coming off and I felt a lot better, had more energy, I could go up and down or steps without losing my breathe. Theeeeen the pain comes. My lower right side was killing me, throbbing the whole bit. We thought it was my appendix. A way we went to the hospital. My appendix was fine. They did a CT scan and thought they saw mucus sacs on my colon?! WTF is that. So they admitted me right away and consulting a surgeon the next morning. She said it was my ovaries with huge cysts on them. Mind you my ovaries are not in the same place as a normal female. Mine were moved and pinned up parallel to my belly button. I had a partial hysterectomy in 2001 to remove cervical cancer and the surgeon moved them up out of the way in case I needed radiation. I was 30 at the time and he didn't want to remove them and throw me into menopause. I wish he would have. Soooo, made the appointment with my gyno doc who I have been going to for 9 years, he knows my history, he found the cancer. Surgery is scheduled and I can't wait for the ovaries to be gone, it was very painful and I couldn't exercise anymore.

I woke up from the surgery with my ovaries still in tact. I was pissed!!! The doc said he couldn't find them. He went in through my previous c-section and hysterectomy scar. Well the doctor didn't consult with the previous doctor to find out about the surgery he preformed, therefore did not know they were moved!! So I made a appointment with the Oncologist that preformed my hysterectomy. He knew where they were and removed them with no problem. The left was attached to my colon and had cysts, and the right had a cyst the size of a lemon. So now 6 months later 2 abdominal surgeries, another scar from my belly button down about 7 inches. He tried to do a laparoscopic surgery but to much scar tissue had formed so he had to cut me open. Oh well, now I am trying to recover, it's been 3 weeks and I am not recovering like I want to. The other abdominal surgeries were a piece of cake compared to this one. All in good time I guess. I can't wait to start exercising again to lose this weight. I am sick of being at this weight and I want to feel healthy. I want to wear clothes in the single digits again. Others may say, oh it's not the number on the scale or the size on the pants I'm wearing, BullShit!! Yes it is!! I want to go to a store and pull a size 6 off the rack and hang it up over my head wave it around for everyone to see!!! I will do it, it's gonna happen!